Feature Stories
FlyGirl Column: Nice Guys Board Last
This week, I tell you the tale of Traveler Dave. A dashing, travel-savvy young man with a big heart and a willingness to help others, Traveler Dave arrived at the airport in Detroit and strolled up to a Northwest Airlines kiosk to check in to his flight to LaGuardia.
When Dave checked in, the Northwest kiosk promptly informed him that the flight was oversold. It then asked if Dave would like to volunteer to change his travel plans. “Sure thing,” thought Traveler Dave, “volunteering is a nice thing to do. I’ll sacrifice my own convenience for the greater good.” (Likely, Traveler Dave was also thinking, “Sweet! I’ll totally get like a free trip out of this or something. Whaddup, volunteering!” But since we wouldn’t want to speculate, let’s stick with the more wholesome tone for now.)
No sooner had Traveler Dave agreed to volunteer than he was met with an unexpected challenge: the kiosk asked him to place a bid. “Quoi?” thought Dave. (direct quote) Knowing the importance of reading the fine print, he discovered that he was supposed to tell NWA how much monetary compensation he would accept in exchange for taking the later flight. Lowest bids would be accepted first, and there was a $300 maximum. (Cue the intro to “Angry Young Man.”)
Realizing he’d been caught unawares and entered into a bidding war with his fellow passengers, Dave knew just what to do: He called upon his prior experience of watching The Price is Right. Dave thought hard and then bid $298.
The hero of our story then proceeded to the gate, where he waited…and waited…and waited for the volunteers’ names to be called. Soon, half the plane had boarded and Traveler Dave had not yet heard his name. Distraught and confused, Dave made his way over to the line. However, when he handed the attendant his boarding pass, his effort was met with a single, solitary “beep.”
“Um, are you a volunteer?” The flight attendant looked at Dave with one eyebrow raised.
“Yes,” he gulped.
“Well then you have to wait. We don’t do that until everyone has boarded.”
Imagining the overhead bins rapidly filling up, Dave realized that he no longer had any desire to be a “volunteer.” Turns out, nice guys not only finish last, but they board last too. Traveler Dave gave up on the bidding process entirely and boarded the plane feeling used and under appreciated. (Note: At the time this article went to press, Traveler Dave’s actual quote included too many expletives to print.)
This is yet another case in which not knowing the specifics of an airline’s policies can really ruin your day. Northwest’s policy has included this bidding war for a while, but there are still many travelers who are stuck in the past and are hanging on to some innocent notion that when you offer to do something nice for the airline, you just get something nice in return. Silly Dave, perks are for CEOs.
As airlines continue to tack on small fees and cut back on customer service perks, reading the fine print has become increasingly vital to air travelers. Even I can remember a time (early 2008) when discussions of the airline industry were still rooted in optimism. But lately, it seems that almost every traveler I meet falls into the same category: Disgruntled.
Airlines today are like the popular girls in high school. One starts a trend, the rest of the group jumps on board, and everyone else is forced to go along with whatever they like this week. Sometimes it goes well (“They’re called No Doubt. Everybody’s listening to them”), and sometimes it doesn’t (“They’re called Hypercolor. Everybody’s wearing it). They rule the school, they rule your life, and you’re just along for the ride. What’re you gonna do, not go to school anymore? (Note: These girls never dated the nice guy who volunteers for things.)
Today, I’d like to reiterate that while we can’t beat the airlines and their recent lack of customer service, we can try to beat them at their own game. I don’t like to be Captain Complainypants, whining about a different airline each week, but I do like to make sure that you’re on your toes and ready for anything.
According to some online travel forums, NWA agents will occasionally be feeling lazy and just offer the $300 for passengers willing to be bumped. But if the bidding war is on, it’s best to make sure you know the rules, and that it’s really worth your while to get in the game.
On the NWA website, the airlines promises to “handle ‘bumped’ customers with fairness and consistency.” For your sake, we just need to make sure that it doesn’t mean consistently poor treatment. NWA’s policies are not going to feel like they’re giving you a prize, so make sure you start the process of with a good mood and some time to spare.
Oh, and the best part is that if you don’t like any of this, #12 of the Northwest “Customers First” Customer Service Commitments assures you that you can write to them with any complaints or suggestions. They promise that you will “receive a response to your written complaints within 60 days of their receipt by our Customer Care department.” So, two months from now, NWA might hear that Dave was upset about waiting. But it won’t matter; by then, there’ll be a new trend to start, and these bumping policies will be out like crimped hair.
